Why Begging to Be Chosen Makes You Easier to Reject

Every year at Ivy Coach, our college admissions counseling firm, we encounter a subset of students who come to us for PostMortems after being rejected by their dream colleges, having succumbed to the irresistible urge to turn their Personal Statement into a sales pitch.

They’ve earned straight A’s, founded clubs, conducted research and won competitions. And they can’t resist cramming every last achievement into their Personal Statement, as though an exhaustive list of accomplishments will convince an admissions officer to admit them.

We practically have to hit them over the head. Stop selling! That’s what they’re doing, of course. They’re begging an admissions officer: Admit me! Admit me! Look at everything I’ve accomplished! And you know what? It makes them profoundly unlikable. The same mistake is made every day by entrepreneurs who can’t resist selling themselves.

The most compelling stories don’t sell

At Ivy Coach, we teach students that the best college admissions essays don’t recount achievements. Awards, honors and accomplishments should never be fodder for an admissions essay. After all, the application’s activities section already serves that purpose. Instead, the most compelling essays tell one small story. Rather than recounting how a student overcame adversity to become student body president or came from behind to win a conference championship, that story should reveal how they hope to shape the world in a singular, often small way.

We call that singular quality a student’s “hook.” And when an admissions officer finishes reading an application, they should feel they’ve met someone who will contribute to their campus community through that distinctive lens. The key isn’t to say more, but instead to make what you do say count. Sometimes the most persuasive thing you can do is resist the urge to keep talking. 

The same holds true for entrepreneurs speaking with prospective clients. You don’t need to overwhelm people with reasons to choose you. Sometimes, knowing when to stop selling, and when to simply be quiet, is what inspires the greatest confidence.

Your fees don’t require a defense

One of the easiest traps for entrepreneurs to fall into is overselling when the conversation turns to fees. At Ivy Coach, prospective clients sometimes ask why we charge what we charge. But that doesn’t warrant a defensive explanation of overhead, the unique expertise our consultants lend, or the cost of running a business. Our fees are our fees. As I once told The New York Times, “Who can say what is too much in America? If someone wants to pay a fee that you command, they have that right.” Who knew stating something so obvious would earn me the paper’s Quote of the Day?

With a track record spanning three-and-a-half decades, an established reputation and generations of families who value Ivy Coach’s work, there’s no need to justify our fees any more than a student needs to justify their worthiness of admission by reciting every one of their accomplishments.

When someone asks you to justify your fees, resist the temptation to deliver a lengthy sales pitch. You don’t need to convince everyone that your services are worth their price. Some people will see the value, while others won’t. That’s business. And chances are, the people who insist you defend your fees aren’t the clients you want in the first place.

Don’t let competitors turn you into a salesperson

Another occasion when entrepreneurs fall into the trap of overselling is when a prospective client announces they’re interviewing several competing firms. Wonderful, that’s their prerogative. Frankly, it’s a little rude to announce it since nobody needs a running commentary on a prospective client’s shopping expedition. Just do your homework. But too many entrepreneurs respond by getting defensive, explaining why their competitors aren’t as good, offering discounts and rattling off credentials. Before long, they’re practically begging for the business.

Sound familiar? It’s the college applicant stuffing every accomplishment into a Personal Statement. Choose me! Choose me! At Ivy Coach, we’re not interested in playing that game. Our track record speaks for itself.

The art of letting your value speak for itself

The entrepreneurs who inspire the greatest confidence are those who understand what makes their businesses different and don’t feel compelled to prove their worth at every opportunity. The same is true of college applicants. You don’t become memorable by telling someone how extraordinary you are. Instead, you become memorable by allowing them to discover it for themselves.

And therein lies the paradox of persuasion. The harder you try to sell yourself, the less appealing you become. So stop reciting your accomplishments. Stop defending your prices. Stop worrying about competitors. Tell your story, stand behind your work, and let people decide for themselves. After all, nobody likes being sold to. Whether you’re trying to win a client or earn a college acceptance, the moment you start begging to be chosen is the moment you make yourself easier to reject.

Every year at Ivy Coach, our college admissions counseling firm, we encounter a subset of students who come to us for PostMortems after being rejected by their dream colleges, having succumbed to the irresistible urge to turn their Personal Statement into a sales pitch.

They’ve earned straight A’s, founded clubs, conducted research and won competitions. And they can’t resist cramming every last achievement into their Personal Statement, as though an exhaustive list of accomplishments will convince an admissions officer to admit them.

We practically have to hit them over the head. Stop selling! That’s what they’re doing, of course. They’re begging an admissions officer: Admit me! Admit me! Look at everything I’ve accomplished! And you know what? It makes them profoundly unlikable. The same mistake is made every day by entrepreneurs who can’t resist selling themselves.